Couch grass is right up there in the top 5 most hated weeds in the country. People have driven themselves crazy trying to get rid of it. It has the tenacity of Dale Winton on the tail of a daytime quiz show and is about as entertaining if you find it in your garden.

But actually, I don’t mind it that much. It’s not like bindweed – it doesn’t strangle your plants at birth. It doesn’t produce elephantine leaves that shadow them out, like ground elder.  It isn’t even that difficult to dig it out.

What you see above ground is a kind of straggly grass which doesn’t even bother to form a clump. It has a distinctive reed-like stem with the leaves coming off it, and because it’s so unkempt it kind of wanders around your plot instead of taking it over. This makes it quite easy to overlook, as it can hide itself among plants very effectively.

The business end is under the ground. The hawser-like roots of this plant get absolutely everywhere: into the roots of your other plants, under your raised beds and through your fences. They multiply like wildfire until you stick your fork in the ground and dig up what looks like a rats’ nest of white, rope-like roots with a characteristic “node”-like structure – you can see little tufts of smaller roots emerging at the joints.

Couch grass hiding in the strawberry plants

You must never, never rotavate soil with couch grass in it (despite what a certain TV gardener did on his allotment earlier this year). You’ll just chop those roots up into tiny pieces, each of which will sprout anew – so you’ll have 20 plants where one grew before.

Instead, it’s the hard graft of digging it out. The roots are so strong they can be pulled out of the ground like string – I find it a really satisfying job in a scab-picking kind of way, much nicer than pulling bindweed which has an irritating habit of snapping off just as you’re getting the end out. Couch grass obligingly delivers the whole plant, more often than not, which means it’s also much easier to keep under control.

You don't want to mess with roots like these

So if you find you have this on your plot – don’t despair. It isn’t the worst (there’s much, much, much worse than this out there).

You can even turn it to good use: couch grass roots are good for you. No, really – you can chop them up and make tea out of them (100g to a litre of water, boil till it’s reduced by half and then leave to steep for 10 minutes). It’s good for bladder complaints, apparently, though it tastes awful – flavour with lemon juice – and as with all herbal medicine, check with your doctor before you try it.

A better use might be to just chuck them all in a bucket and cover with water – after a few weeks you’ll have a very stinky compost tea, which you can strain off and use diluted as a liquid fertiliser.